Another Year Around the Sun

Today is my birthday.

I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more silly it seems to be invested in having a party, or celebration, in honor of the occasion. Birthdays used to be fun, momentous occasions where one was showered with gifts and fancy cakes. Now, it’s a reminder of our ever encroaching death. (Yes, I know “Death has lost it’s sting”, but it’s still something all people have the go through, Christian or now.)

Patton Oswalt’s bit rings true to me still. Also, a happy coincidence: I am the same age now as he was in the bit.

I think about 7 years ago, on the cusp of me turning 30 I had a moment of abject terror, realizing that I was nowhere near any of the lofty goals I had set for myself. Apparently this is a common phenomenon, as my friend Trey Xavier had the same experience. Now he’s 40 (ish) and has a kick ass YouTube channel. My other friend, Greg, started a miniatures and wargaming zine and now, for better or worse, owns a company that creates content for that space. I have 4 books under my belt, which is an accomplishment (I hope), although I don’t enjoy the same level of notoriety as them. “Baby steps… Stuart,” I say to myself.

This concern though, with fame and success is actually rather foolish. I was once at a bible study where one of my friends said “it’s okay to NOT be famous.” I forget the exact context, but after being told by our Boomer parents—who enjoyed the fruits of their forebears, while aslo squandering it for their heirs—that we were destined for great things, the idea that we were all supposed to be “famous” has become a kind of psychological cancer that continually lets us down. I have given up on social media and marketing myself, because the cost to my soul isn’t worth it. (Of course, if any of you like what I do, I will by no means stop you from singing my praises.) The resulting paralysis from having to “produce content” with such rapidity, seems to only guarantee either a nervous breakdown, or being caught with another woman in a kiss cam. Instead, I have settled on the quiet life of writing good things for myself. If anyone else benefits from it, then it’s all the more validation that what I write and create is worthy of it’s persisting existence.

What are your dreams? Or, what were they? Let me know if the comments below. Or don’t, it doesn’t matter. I just like the conversation.

All the best, on this day, my birthday.