Friday, January 10, 2014

Opportunities at Great Costs, My Dilemma

I write this with a heavy heart, for I have been given a slim chance at pursuing my dreams and I am already finding how untenable they are.

My love for comics, for literature and writing has been a recent development. Only in the last few years have I joined the rank and file of other aspiring writers, adding yet another notch to my heavy leathered belt of unmarketable talents. Am I meant to be a writer? Is that a real question? How many tens of thousands ask the same and are hopelessly crushed by the cruel hand of reality in the entertainment industry. Walk the gilded avenues of Sunset Boulevard and you will see the tired shades toiling in their Stygian sorrows, once hopeful people now reduced to bussers and hookers. Joining their ranks would be madness for a single man, but with a family to consider? What is this author to do?

To give context to my woes, I've applied to an internship (Archaia's part-time unpaid internship), which I believe I have a chance at receiving entrance to. In order to actually enter the internship, I must quit my current job for about three months to do it. This is not a surprise. I've known about this. Quitting my job was a possibility, but I also have to enroll in a class now just to be considered; another 150-200 dollars comes out of my pockets. That might not seem like a lot to you but after severing your source of income it's very problematic. My current job has me making roughly $13 per hour, soon to be in the range of $14-16. It's the first time in two years since leaving Apple, where I have finally made it back to a place of stable living and savings. Is it worth leaving for a shot at what you dream of doing? Is that worth the risk?

I am fasting (yes, fasting) currently, asking God to reveal to me what I must do. If you go in for that kind of thing, the Boss can give great advice, but generally it's not what you want to hear. At least in my experience, God will tell you that what you want to do is crazy and reckless. Here I feel that God is saying, "Well, here's your chance. Shit or get off the pot," which is fundamentally terrifying. There's always a chance at being hired back at my current place of employ. They are pretty friendly to that. But I would be downgraded to my original station upon my return.

Bottom line: I don't know what to do. Never before in my life have I felt so inefficacious.

I need help figuring this out.



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